I was in a constant state of anger and panic, even when I was laughing with friends. There was always this seemingly irrational fear...
The suicidal thoughts. The incessant worrying. The ceaseless panic. It’s been like this for over 6 years. For the first 4 years, I suffered on my own, without telling a soul. It took me this long to get the courage to finally seek professional help.
I didn’t know how life was supposed to be.
I thought it was just “normal teenage angst” as everyone in my life told me it was. That it would just subside with time and I would finally be normal. But that’s not how it worked. I slowly realized that everyone around me was genuinely happy.
Being happy with a constant uphill battle I had to fight, where it was just a way of living for everyone else.