If you are having suicidal thoughts or feelings, contact 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or a qualified physician / mental health professional immediately.
“One hundred pounds” the doctor read off the scale. I looked over to see my mother smiling in approval. The doctor, however, looked worried, as she told me that this put me in the bottom 25% of my height group. I shrugged off this comment, as I had my mom’s approval and that was all I needed.
I was the girl who got complimented on my appearance, more than once. With a slim body but perky boobs, I was noticed by all. My family was proud to have a “tiny girl” in the family, and I was consistently reminded that I had to stay at this weight.
Flash forward to when I entered college, one of the worst times of my life. I was stuck in a revolving door relationship, where I couldn’t get out but I knew I had to for my own safety. My friends slowly started to dwindle away and food became a source of comfort, 105, 110, 115.. I watched as the number on the scale increased and increased. Every time I came home, I walked into a barrage of negative words. “When did you gain all this weight? What did I always tell you? More water. More workout. Less food.” Instead of smiling at my body, I was being told to eat less of this and less of that, and just drink water. My home life became so hostile that I rarely went home. I stayed in my college town, where my mother’s words could not affect me.
And now, to the present. I’m officially at over 125 pounds, and my mother is very disappointed in me. She has no positive thing to say to me, only negative criticisms. But when will she realize that her support is what I need? That her criticisms only throw me farther into a deep hole that I cannot get out of without her help?
In alignment with our mission to encourage others to #SpeakUp about mental health, we’ve created this blog – a passion project highlighting those who wish to share their stories with the world.
Open to anyone, the series features personal anecdotes from members of the South Asian community who have struggled with mental illness – and the stigma that comes along with it.
To submit your story, click here.
Get the latest MannMukti news and volunteer opportunities straight to your inbox!
10 years old. When a girl is 10 years old she should be worrying about what color dress to wear, or how to do her hair...
...under the veil of a warm smile and a cool, calm demeanor. Hope this doesn’t take too many of my friends by complete surprise.
“Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past.” – Tryon Edwards
...nuclear, dynamic household. Her parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins—they were all temporary occupants of a bustling...
MannMukti pledges to serve all South Asians, recognizing the power hierarchies in our communities, created and maintained by different identities of caste, language, geography, gender, sexuality, and religion that shape individuals’ obstacles while seeking mental liberation.
