...under the veil of a warm smile and a cool, calm demeanor. Hope this doesn’t take too many of my friends by complete surprise.
I’ve always had a habit of keeping my thoughts and worries to myself with the intention of ‘not bothering’ my friends and family. I thought it would be better that way. It worked for a while but then the stresses of college life started piling up – keeping up in class, drama with friends, managing different organizational commitments, & wondering what the future would hold.
Bottling up emotions & minimally expressing my inner fears and worries ended up being more detrimental than intended. I remember some days I would just feel like the world was throwing things at me left and right with no end in sight. I felt emptier and emptier; I would often reach points where I cried myself to sleep and neglected my responsibilities because I didn’t know what to do. The effects translated to my grades and mood. I lost count of the days where I forced a smile on my face and interacted as if everything was alright even though the anxiety and hopelessness was suffocating me.
I’ve never shared my writing before but I thought it would be appropriate for this:
how else will the world see the light if your smile has disappeared